History Around the Web: Megan ‘Faux’ Archaeology & Brawling Greek Gods

History is happening every day and new things are constantly being discovered or, as is the case with this blog, revisited. I’ve stated as a goal when starting Histastrophe! years ago that not only did I want to focus on learning more about history myself, but that I wanted to find an audience that I could discuss my passion for when it came to things long dead and gone. I’ve been trying to think of ways to better engage my visitors and what better way than to provide a weekly curation of the goings on in the history world?

Every week I want to give an internet round-up of the discussions, discoveries, controversies, or hilarity that is happening in the world of history (or that have piqued my attention!). I feel as if we few with a love of the past are sometimes living on the fringe as far as interests and hobbies go, but if doing this can help keep us all engaged and up-to-date with current History things, I feel like it’d be worth it.

So, for those of you who’ve finished watching Royal Wedding highlight reels and have had their fill of scones, here’s what else has been happening in the world of History:

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Those Saucy Romans

Garum sauce

If you thought putting anchovies on pizza was gross, brace yourself for this next post. The Roman Empire, being a wretched hive of scum and villainy for about the entirety of it’s hellion reign across most of Europe, wasn’t exactly shy about being off the wall crazy about some of its more questionable pleasures. From painting lavish dick pics everywhere to delighting in some healthy disembowelment in the gladiatorial arena, not much of these practices would be accepted in modern day society. Well, okay, except for maybe the first one.

One of the things the Romans were famously into, was soaking their food up in a sauce known as “Garum” or “Liquamen” which we’ve found archaeological evidence of in manufacturing, residue in pottery, and depicted in art and writing of the time. The sauce knew no societal bounds, common among people of all different classes and religions (evidence of a kosher option even exists) [1 & 3]. So, basically sounds like the Roman version of ketchup. How bad could it be?

Another liquid, too, of a very exquisite nature, is that known as “garuim:” it is prepared from the intestines of fish and various parts which would otherwise be thrown away, macerated in salt; so that it is, in fact, the result of their putrefaction. – Pliny the Elder, The Natural History [2]

Makes me want to hurl harder than a highlander tossing a log across long distances to impress his skirt wearing friends.

But was it really all that bad? Obviously, it was incredibly popular and how far removed would our taste buds really be from our Classical ancestors? Are we really any different, slathering our sushi rolls with eel sauce?

Evidently, garum was probably similar to popular fish sauces found in Vietnamese, Indochinese, and Turkish cuisine today. And based on our sources and the ancient recipe we’ve discovered concerning its production (A salt to fish ratio of 1:8), “the amount of salt used in the production process inhibited putrefaction and, hence, prevented any rancid smells. Bacterial fermentation, similar to that found in the production of cheeses, induced maturation of the product.” [3] Pliny claimed that the sauce itself smelled a bit funky, but what decent cheese doesn’t? And let’s not forget that even if it had a strong ode de parfum, he still called it exquisite. [2]

Garum party

What life was like for the Romans before the invention of Nutella

Probably seems strange that such a popular and maybe not all that gross sauce would just disappear then. But apparently, the sauce itself was fairly expensive, even some higher quality versions near the end of the Roman Empire’s life span would cost about $500 of today’s moolah. [3 & 4] It’s always baffling to me how unperturbed we are to have table salt readily available in a cupboard or at a restaurant, but it used to be a precious commodity that was heavily taxed and fought over. With a salt tax introduced among the empire, garum production became a bit too expensive since it was the necessary component that made it deliciously putridy. And with the collapse of power in the western half of the Roman Empire in the 5th century, the ownership of the Mediterranean seas became an indisputable playground for some good old fashioned piracy. [4]

If you’re not turned off by the process and are still curious how it tasted, however, you’re in luck! It’s starting to make a comeback.

Do you not realize that garum sociorum, that expensive bloody mass of decayed fish, consumes the stomach with its salted putrefaction?

— Seneca, Epistle 95. [5]
Fact Check it, yo!
[1] LEARY, T. (1994). JEWS, FISH, FOOD LAWS AND THE ELDER PLINY. Acta Classica, 37, 111-114. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/24594356
[2] Pliny the Elder, The Natural History. John Bostock, M.D., F.R.S. H.T. Riley, Esq., B.A. London. Taylor and Francis, Red Lion Court, Fleet Street. 1855.
[3] Curtis, R. (1983). In Defense of Garum. The Classical Journal,78(3), 232-240. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3297180
[4] Prichep, D. (2013, October 26). Fish Sauce: An Ancient Roman Condiment Rises Again. Retrieved March 20, 2018, from https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2013/10/26/240237774/fish-sauce-an-ancient-roman-condiment-rises-again

The Brief History of Hollywood’s Affair with Politics


Ronald Reagan; Actor, chimp whisperer, and 40th President of the USA.

I’m not here to get political, but I am here to use history as a jumping off point to, well, make a point. Last night, in front of more than 20 million viewers [1], Meryl Streep accepted the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement at the Golden Globes and, I guess, had something to say about it.

I love you all. You have to forgive me, I have lost my voice in screaming and lamentation this weekend and I have lost my mind sometime earlier this year so I have to read.
Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press. Just to pick up on what Hugh Laurie said, you and all of us in this room really belong to the most vilified segments of American society right now. Think about it: Hollywood, foreigners and the press.
But who are we and, you know, what is Hollywood, anyway? It’s just a bunch of people from other places. I was born and raised and educated in the public schools of New Jersey, Viola was born in a sharecropper’s cabin in South Carolina, came up in Central Falls,  R.I. Sarah Paulson was born in Florida, raised by a single mom in Brooklyn. Sarah Jessica Parker was one of seven or eight kids from Ohio, Amy Adams was born in Vicenza, Veneto, Italy and Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem. Where are their birth certificates?
And the beautiful Ruth Negga was born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, raised in Lon — no, in Ireland, I do believe, and she’s here nominated for playing a small-town girl from Virginia. Ryan Gosling, like all the nicest people, is Canadian. And Dev Patel was born in Kenya, raised in London and is here playing an Indian raised in Tasmania. So Hollywood is crawling with outsiders and foreigners and if we kick them all out, you’ll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts.
They gave me three seconds to say this, so. An actor’s only job is to enter the lives of people who are different from us and let you feel what that feels like. And there were many, many, many powerful performances this year that did exactly that, breathtaking, compassionate work.
But there was one performance this year that stunned me. It sank its hooks in my heart, not because it was good, it was — there’s nothing good about it. But it was effective and it did its job. It made its intended audience laugh and show their teeth.
It was that moment when the person asking to sit in the most respected seat in our country imitated a disabled reporter, someone he outranked in privilege and power and the capacity to fight back. It, it kind of broke my heart when I saw it and I still can’t get it out my head because it wasn’t in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate when it’s modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody’s life because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing.
Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose. OK, go on with that thing. OK, this brings me to the press. We need the principled press to hold power to account, to call them on the carpet for every outrage.
That’s why our founders enshrined the press and its freedoms in our constitution. So I only ask the famously well-heeled Hollywood foreign press and all of us in our community to join me in supporting the Committee to Protect Journalists, ’cause we’re going to need them going forward and they’ll need us to safeguard the truth.
One more thing. Once when I was standing around the set one day, whining about something, we were going to work through supper or the long hours or whatever, Tommy Lee Jones said to me: “Isn’t it such a privilege, Meryl, just to be an actor?” Yeah, it is. And we have to remind each other of the privilege and the responsibility of the act of empathy. We should be very proud of the work Hollywood honors here tonight,
As my, as my friend, the dear departed Princess Leia, said to me once: “Take your broken heart, make it into art.”
Thank you, Foreign Press.

– Meryl Streep, 74th Golden Globes Awards, Jan 8th, 2017.  [2]

But while a significant portion of the population may wish that Hollywood would use its platform for something other than political pandering, I’m here to remind everyone that this isn’t the first provocative speech nor shall it be the last in an industry which has not only campaigned with or spoken in support of, but has also held public office.

When Ronald Reagan, soon to be 40th President of the USA, was nominated to run for governorship of the state of California in 1966, a seat later to be held by another celebrated actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, the world was hardly surprised to see a man whose exposure on the big screen led him to become a prominent political figure. In fact, Hollywood had recently seen itself embroiled in politics and targeted during the height of McCarthyism’s “Red Scare” tactics. During this period, members of the Screen Actor’s Guild were barred and blacklisted from performing in or writing for any Hollywood picture after being accused of participating in Communist ideological leanings. Legends such as Dalton Trumbo, famous for penning films Roman Holiday and Spartacus, were among those of the nearly 500 blacklisted from working in Hollywood. Other screen giants like John Wayne, Walt Disney, Ronald Reagan himself, and ironically even Cecil B. DeMille the namesake for the award Meryl Streep used to orate her views on national television, championed the movement to target the film industry for Communist purging as members of the Motion Picture Alliance for the Preservation of American Ideals.

One thing is sure—none of the arts flourishes on censorship and repression. And by this time it should be evident that the American public is capable of doing its own censoring. Certainly, the Thomas Committee is growing more ludicrous daily. The picture of six officers ejecting a writer from the witness stand because he refused to say whether he was a Communist or not is pretty funny, and I think before long we are all going to see how hysterical and foolish we have become.
The film industry is a great industry, with infinite possibilities for good and bad. Its primary purpose is to entertain people. On the side, it can do many other things. It can popularize certain ideals, it can make education palatable. But in the long run, the judge who decides whether what it does is good or bad is the man or woman who attends the movies. In a democratic country I do not think the public will tolerate a removal of its right to decide what it thinks of the ideas and performances of those who make the movie industry work.

-Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady, from her “My Day” column. Oct. 29th 1947. [3]

Faced with the removal of their friends and peers at the height of the blacklistings, many stars like Lauren Bacall, Humphrey Bogart, and Katherine Hepburn, among others, worked to fight against what they saw as infringing upon constitutional American rights. They formed the Committee for the First Amendment and, now that everybody had a committee for something or other, went to work. You could say, that in the instance of politics in Hollywood, that politics started it first.

When it wasn’t defending itself from the supposed insurrection of Russia or defending its right to do so, stars have lent their image and influence to other political movements. Frank Sinatra spent most of his life fighting for civil, equal rights which can be summed up by punching out a bartender for refusing to serve his black friend, a fellow musician. [4] I suppose he also participated in the desegregation of hotels and casinos in Mafia run Nevada and played a benefit show for Martin Luther King Jr as well, but who’s counting?

We’ve got a hell of a way to go in this racial situation. As long as most white men think of a Negro as a Negro first and a man second, we’re in trouble. I don’t know why we can’t grow up. It took us long enough to get past the stage where we were calling all Italians “wops” and “dagos”, but if we don’t stop this “n*****” thing, we just won’t be around much longer.

-Frank Sinatra [5]


Frank Sinatra receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Ronald Reagan in 1985.

When Marlon Brando won his much deserved Best Actor Oscar award at the 45th Annual Academy Awards in 1973 for his role in “The Godfather”, he famously turned his acceptance speech into a less subtle political statement than Meryl Streep did. Instead of blubbering on stage and thanking a bunch of technical folks in film that the audience has never heard of as one is want to do in these situations, Brando sent instead Native American actress Sacheen Littlefinger to un-accept the award on his behalf in protest of the industry’s portrayal of Native Americans on-screen. [6] This was only the tip of Brando’s involvement in politics, however, which also included support for the state of Israel, advocacy for African American civil rights, and trying to save the world from hunger by funding scientific research into aqua farming tilapia, of all things. [7]


Sacheen Littlefinger comes prepared on the stage of the 45th Annual Academy Awards to shake things up a bit. [8]

And though films have typically been created to entertain (and make many large bags of money) it’d be negligible to ignore their impact on war efforts during World War II when “going to the movies” was both a motivating patriotic experience and a reminder to the audience of who the reel (sorry, not sorry) enemy was. Assisting the U.S. Government by way of both educational and animated films portraying Axis forces in demeaning ways, Walt Disney of…er, Disney fame, produced over 124 hours worth of animated films which included instructional videos for soldiers all the way to Donald Duck destroying an entire Japanese airbase all by himself. [9]


Hollywood and “not” politics…


So despite what your political beliefs may be, it’s hard to call for a separation between Hollywood and politics when both institutions have a symbiotic, influential relationship with one another. Hollywood stars become political advocates and voices for unpopular movements or, sometimes, find themselves targeted by them. Stars join political campaigns or are welcomed by and requested by politicians looking for national support. The government calls on favors during times of war, and, sometimes, seats in governorship, and again, even the presidency with the recent election of a reality TV star into the highest office of the country. Whether or not you agree with Meryl Streep’s speech, she’s following a long tradition in Hollywood to utilize its platform and influence to insight or defend its audience from “the bad guys”.

Besides, I’d suspect Dame Meryl Streep, frankly, doesn’t give a damn.


Fact Check it, yo!

[1] Variety Staff (2017 Jan. 9th). TV Ratings: Golden Globe Viewership Grows From Previous Two Years. Retrieved from: http://variety.com/2017/tv/news/tv-ratings-golden-globe-ratings-rise-1201955828/

[2] Streep, M. (2017, Jan. 8th). 74th Golden Globes Awards Cecil B. DeMille award acceptance speech. Retrieved from: http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-golden-globes-2017-live-watch-all-of-meryl-streep-s-1483932724-htmlstory.html

[3] Roosevelt, R. (1947, Oct. 29th). My Day. Retrieved from: https://www2.gwu.edu/~erpapers/myday/displaydoc.cfm?_y=1947&_f=md000796

[4] Summers, A. & Swan, R. (2010). Sinatra: The Life. Retrieved from: https://books.google.com/books?id=R5SddF7R6x4C

[5] Kelley, K. (1986). His Way: The Unauthorized Biography of Frank Sinatra. Retrieved from: https://books.google.com/books?id=EnbzfyWuuL0C&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q=racial%20situation&f=false

[6] Brando, M. (1973, Mar. 30th) That Unfinished Oscar Speech. Retrieved from: http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/movies/bestpictures/godfather-ar3.html

[7] Mizruchi, S. (2014) Brando’s Smile: His Life, Thought, and Work. Retrieved from: https://books.google.com/books?id=fLBbAwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=brando%27s+smile&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiV39LPn7bRAhUG_4MKHT7cDmoQ6AEIHDAA#v=onepage&q=brando%27s%20smile&f=false

[8] Marlon Brando’s Best Actor Academy Award acceptance. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QUacU0I4yU

[9] “Disney’s Troupe Goes to War”. Times. 15 November 1942. p. 20-21. Retrieved from: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=9B0CE5D7163DE03ABC4D52DFB7678389659EDE&legacy=true

What is Fascism?


Benito Mussolini, Leader of the Nationalist Fascist Party who became Prime Minister of Italy in 1922 until he decided Democracy was for squares and seized control of the nation as dictator.

People like to throw around words that hurt, words that no one wishes to be associated with because of the troubled history these definitions carry, regardless of their accuracy. Many of us are able to recall the stain from lived experience while others of us unknowingly feel discomfort upon hearing their whisper, ghosts of a time we were fortunate enough not to have witnessed. It’s not out of the ordinary to hear someone called a ‘Communist’ or a ‘Socialist’ for simply being disagreeable rather than because of any formal affiliation with a political faction, for example. These words used to mean something. Rather than an insult insinuating how “un-American” an individual may be, these words used to come with a benchmark of ideals and theories characterized by aggressive political leanings that have, in History, sparked revolutions. These words used to matter.

Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy. You in America will see that some day. –Benito Mussolini in 1928 [1]

The sands of time are no kinder to concepts and words than they are to ruins, and so it is possible to forget or wave away its meaning as a figment of the past. Fascism, like many other features of World War II, has NOT been buried or vanquished like the Third Reich–It’s a symbiotic strain of Nationalist sentiment that still, to this day, rears its ugly head in every day discourse and goes on unnamed and, ultimately, undetected for what it truly is.

Fascism as a political theory falls on the spectrum of far-right radical leanings characterized by severe Nationalist sentiments and in opposition to Liberalism and Marxist beliefs. Fascism operates on the idea that Democracy is failing and that the true way to unite the state is under one party with a powerful, preferable, Dictator to solidify the stability necessary to combat military and economic crisis. To do this, Fascism encourages violence, war, and Imperialism, as a means to help jump start and heal the nation unilaterally and advocates an economic market with isolationist, aggressive restrictions on foreign trade to further the goal of self-sufficiency.

a form of political behavior marked by obsessive preoccupation with community decline, humiliation, or victimhood and by compensatory cults of unity, energy, and purity, in which a mass-based party of committed nationalist militants, working in uneasy but effective collaboration with traditional elites, abandons democratic liberties and pursues with redemptive violence and without ethical or legal restraints goals of internal cleansing and external expansion –
Robert Paxton, The Anatomy of Fascism [2]

On social issues, Fascism attacked and categorized homosexuality as a deviant behavior, condemned forms of birth control utilized by women, [3] and relegated the roles of women as ‘reproducers’ and regarded their role in the work force as responsible for unemployment and incompatible with child bearing. [4]

Though not the creator of Fascism but certainly founder of the Italian movement, Benito Mussolini remains the world’s leading example of Fascism in action. Once a socialist, Mussolini grew despondent towards his party’s preference to remain uninvolved during World War I which he was eager to serve in and was later discharged after a wound sustained by an accidental mortar bomb explosion on the Italian Front. Upon his return, he denounced his former party and founded the National Fascist Party with an emphasis on renewed focus of Italian Nationalism. Mussolini came into power in the last week of October 1922 when, with his band of paramilitary supporters known as the ‘Blackshirts’, marched on Rome demanding the resignation of the current prime minister Luigi Facta and the right to rule–which was handed over by the king Victor Emmanuel III. Mussolini then subsequently became the youngest Prime Minister in Italy and used his authority to further his Fascist agenda by establishing, with the help of his secret police and sets of defining laws, a one-party dictatorship with himself at the helm.


It was a long complicated road. When Mussolini took office, the Parliament was filled with many opposing political factions–leaders intent on curbing the Fascist enthusiasm Mussolini now brought with him (along with some muscled brutes for good measure). In an effort to garner support on the outset, Mussolini targeted new reforms toward the Working Class to reduce the work day which guaranteed 8 hours, ignored profiteering of the Industrial sector during WWI, catered to the wealthy by reducing death duties, and rubbed elbows with the Roman Catholic Church by mandating religious education as obligatory in all elementary schools. All in all, everyone was pleased.

Except, of course, his political enemies. To deal with them, Mussolini initiated a Grand Fascist Council which would decide upon policy reforms while shutting out any dissenters or opposing party factions. This group immediately brought forth a law known as Acerbo Law which sought to change the way members of parliament were elected into seats. Now if a political party, such as the National Fascist Party, received at least 25% of the vote in elections, they were now guaranteed at least 66% of the seats in Parliament ensuring them a solid majority.  Those brutes I mentioned before served as a useful tool in getting the law passed despite its obvious connotations for anyone not a member of the Fascist party. Once passed, the Fascist hold over Parliament was secured with more than 2/3rds of the available Parliamentary seats. Obviously, this did not go unnoticed by the concerned populace in Italy and a prominent Italian politician by the name of Giacomo Matteotti stood before the Parliament and publicly accused the Fascists of rigging the election in their favor and accused Mussolini of inviting those brutes, outside busy fiercely cracking their knuckles, to the party.

So it was no surprise when, 11 days after this declaration, Giacomo Matteotti turned up murdered and people maybe thought that Mussolini had something to do with it. Since no evidence was found in trial condemning Mussolini in the involvement of the murder, historians still debate the validity of this claim today. Regardless, the Italian public believed and upon numerous journalist outcries and calls for resignation, a number of the non-Fascist Parliament members staged a walkout in protest (Which…well, made things even more Fascist-y than before in Parliament) and begged the King, Victor Emmanuel III, to remove Mussolini from office. The King, for reasons that remain petty and politically mind boggling, didn’t much care for the protestors stance on the monarchy to begin with since they favored a republic and ‘Pah!’d them away allowing Mussolini to solidify his hold.

Swiftly, Mussolini shut down those trash talking newspapers and sent out his army of brutes to silence further dissenters. By 1926, all other political parties had been banned from Italy. A year later, a secret police was formed with the reintroduction of the death penalty to facilitate this ban. Mussolini was now free to exert full control and had no one standing in his way (unless Victor Emmanuel III ever decided to get off his duvet and do something about it). The precursory period before WWII saw the same dance of propaganda, cultural revere, and idolization of Mussolini (Apparently he could play a mean violin?)  as was usual for other growing dictatorships in Europe. This caught the esteem of Adolf Hitler. The two eventually formed an alliance with the instigation of WWII, despite Mussolini’s political allies discouraging him to do so. Mussolini was confident that Germany would soon be victorious, however, and that the war would be short lived.


It wasn’t. Most of us know exactly how WWII plays out and I’m not going to recite it all here, though needless to say, Italy didn’t do so hot. By 1943, Italy had suffered major setbacks on all fronts, exposed itself to invasion by Allied forces, and resource output ground to a halt with factories lost in frequent bombings and food shortages starved out the population. The stress took a toll on Mussolini himself, being diagnosed with gastritis and duodenitis which both served together to bring on one helluva an IBS rager which forced him to stay home seated on the porcelain throne rather than in government.

Victor Emmanuel III was finally ready to do something. With the help of Count Dino Grandi (Member of the Fascist Grand Council and enemy of Mussolini after opposing Italy’s entry into WWII), they orchestrated the removal of Mussolini by calling for a vote of no confidence among the council which succeeded. Mussolini merely shrugged and showed up the next day viewing them mostly as advisors of which his ousting he did not care to follow. The King then invited Mussolini to his palace where he was ambushed with an arrest and was told that he was being replaced with a new Prime Minister. Mussolini was then imprisoned and moved around in order to hide his location from his best friend forever, Hitler, who was hell bent on re-inserting him to power. He was eventually ‘rescued’ by his pal and encouraged to spearhead a new regime intent on stealing back Italy. Now operating under the tutilage of German forces, Mussolini retired himself to Lake Garda where he ordered a few executions of his betrayers while sipping a bellini while Hitler ran the show on the front.

In April of 1945 (a few days before the suicide of Hitler), Mussolini was stopped along with his mistress on their way to escaping to Spain by communist partisans. The pair were captured and brought to Mezzegra where they survived their last night before being shot to death along with their entire convoy. It didn’t end there. After loading their bodies into a van and heading down to Milan, the bodies were dumped unceremoniously at the Piazzale Loreto. Civilians came out in droves to beat and abuse the corpses which were eventually strung up by the ankles and hung from a gas station so that they made for easier targets in stoning.

With the death of Mussolini and the conclusion of WWII, the National Fascist Party was outlawed in Italy. Many successor neo-Fascist parties arose instead, and some do exist in modern times around the world today though not to the same extent or level of power as Mussolini’s rise in Italy. However easy it is to kill a man or his party, remember that it is not as easy to kill an idea. Though the usage of the term Fascism is deadened by its limits in political relevance today, many policies and ideals characterized by its fervor are still very much alive and well. Fascism still means something and we would all do well never to forget it.


1. Quote from Mussolini as told to Edwin L James of the New York Times. (1928)

2. Paxton, Robert. The Anatomy of Fascism. Vintage Books. ISBN 1-4000-4094-9.

3. Maria Sop Quine. Population Politics in Twentieth Century Europe: Fascist Dictatorships and Liberal Democracies. Routledge, 1995

4. Durham, Martin, Women and Fascism (Routledge, 1998) p. 15.

Day 3 in France

Grand Trianon in Versailles and my future home to be

I woke up this morning on a mission–I was finally going to see the largest palace in Europe. Since we had already previewed the Chateau while it was closed the day previously, we knew exactly when and where to drive, park, and stop for a quick cafe’. 

So I was finally able to taste my first French coffee–cafe creme–and I was not disappointed. It was lighter than I had imagined, I was always told espresso in Europe was thicker, but it was smooth and perfect in every way (Just like Mary Poppins). One thing I’ve noticed, in France, is that coffee seems to be served with a mint on the side which is BRILLIANT. I have an irrational fear that my breath would resemble coffee so much that people would write about it in a suggestion box like they did for Michael Scott in The Office. I will find a way to carry on this tradition back home.

After that I ordered a plain omelette with a side salad. Sounds boring, but it was actually pretty fulfilling while also being light and fluffy. Really makes you reconsider the American standard bacon, sausage, hash browns, and grease plate. There was also a gentleman sitting across from us who was busy typing away on his Mac while his yellow lab hung out under the table at his feet (Dogs seem to be allowed almost anywhere). His pup was super cute and started to get a bit restless. I’m sure the dog didn’t understand English, but he seemed to respond to “Hey Boo Boo” and “Puppy Cutie” as he came to our table and sat politely staring. His owner got a little sheepish about it and packed up to leave with a friendly wave to us as Mister Doo Doo Tail reluctantly followed.

We were now ready to head to Chateau Versailles. The first thing you’re greeted with is a large statue of Louis XIV, also known as The Sun King, credited with being the main architect for much of Versailles. I didn’t snap a shot of this because I prefer to think of Louis as the dear Alan Rickman in the film A Little Chaos. Be right back, I’m still crying about that closing shot. Okay. The ground floor consists of the majority of the palace tour–unless we had access to areas we weren’t aware of further up or in, we don’t know because it was PACKED there. I actually don’t have much in the way of pictures to share because of how many people there were everywhere. I decided to visualize and take in what I could without trying to wrestle with a decent shot. Much of the main floor as been turned into a gallery to tour with spots intended for audio listeners to watch brief history bits of the palace. A lot of the information shared in the audio videos was, in my opinion, common knowledge. I was a bit diasspointed there wasn’t any scandilizing tidbits I hadn’t come across yet. I bought a book from the gift store that will hopefully be more interesting and I’ll update my blog when I return home accordingly since I don’t have much to share aside from the tourist experience.

Hercule’s Room

My favorite part of Versailles was the sprawling gardens and outdoor portion of the estate. We had purchased a passport so that we could go explore Marie Antoninette’s estate which resided past the main gardens and Trianon and nestled somewhere near her hamlet and farm area. To get there, you have to either pay to walk through the gardens or go back around the street and through the city part of Versailles until you find the gate leading straight through. So we walked. AND WALKED.

We eventually made it to the Trianon Palace which, post French Revolution became renovated living apartments for Emperor Napoleon and his Empress Marie-Louise and now houses a modern exhibit for De Gaulle. Now, we TRIED to find Marie Antoniette’s estate–asked for directions 3 separate times, constalted every map, and walked for nearly 2 hours in the gardens alone but without signs pointing us the right way, we just couldn’t find it. We ended up giving up on the poor Austrian princess. My dear Marie, how I wanted to see where you partied. Au Revoir and hopefully next time my petite cake.

UNESCO World Heritage Sites 2014: Piedmont, Italy.

It’s time folks!

UNESCO is putting together a new vote on the latest World Heritage sites, the best preservation technique the modern world has to offer. The chosen sites are being announced as I type this, but I’m sure all of you are wondering (including myself, honestly) what some of the significance behind these historical sites may be. And as one of my childish dreams (while I toil away with an AA degree in the service industry) is to one day work with UNESCO on these sites, I’ll be doing my own personal PR digging and pretending I’m some how a part of all of this grand occasion by doing a little research into the history of our new World Heritage Sites.

Vineyards of Piedmont, Italy.

Vineyards of Piedmont, Italy.

Most people have probably not heard of Piedmont, frankly, I being one of them. I have, however, heard of all of the peoples at one time being in control of this expansive Italian region. That being in a particular order: Celtic tribes, Romans, Burgundians, Goths, Byzantines, Lombards, Franks, Holy Roman Empire…sounds pretty familiar across Europe, no? And after all this confusion to claims, Piedmont eventually emerged as the Kingdom of Sardinia dating from the good ol’ Italian Renaissance to around the more modern 19th century. In fact, the region is no stranger to the heritage fame with the Palazzina di caccia of Stupinigi (save the jokes, please) being added to the listed, once belonging to the House of Savoy which acquired the kingdom in 1720AD.

Someone probably went "Baroque" after building this. *crickets*

Someone probably went “Baroque” after building this. *crickets*

But what Piedmont had been REALLY famous for was the booze. Or, in this case, a spectacular ability to make fantastic wine for loooong times. It was well known for its vines even in Ancient Roman times back when civilians guzzled wine like water with Pliny the Elder noting that the Piedmont region was the most favorable for growing. And that was back in 77BC, with about 2000 years in between, and Piedmont is still kickin’ the grapes with wrath. Again, when you consider how many various civilizations conquered (or re-conquered) the region, it’s a miracle the environment remained as relatively intact as it is today, especially since those dirty ancestor’s of ours loved to “salt the earth” whenever they didn’t feel like sharing.

Of related note to all this wino business was how strangely influential the grape was to the very essence of Italian culture, notably, the Italian Unification which is the whole gosh darn reason we have an Italy today. Ever heard of Giuseppe Garibaldi? The name should ring a bell, but if not, he was that dude who kicked the shit all over the world as well as personally super gluing the various Italian states together with his fantastic beard. Well, he was also a big-time winemaker who introduced the happy science French mixture to help protect the area’s vineyards. Because if there is one thing France was actually any good at defending…it was the wine. And, reminiscent of the elementary school tales of the American Revolutionary War where we all learned that Bostonians got super bloody peeved when their Earl Grey got taxed, the Austrians decided to double the tariffs of the Piemontese wine with predictable results which sort of kick-started the whole independence thing in the first place.

So, it makes sense that UNESCO would name the Vineyards of Piedmont, Italy as a World Heritage Site, an area that includes 5 wine-growing areas and the Castle of Cavour for good measure. Now we all have an excuse to go all Bacchus on this news, right?

Aww, isn't it cute?

Aww, isn’t it cute?

Kings and Their Mistresses

As Caroline had feared, Henrietta was replaced by younger, prettier, more manipulating mistresses. Dying from an umbilical rupture in 1737, wrapped in towels as her intestines spilled out, the queen, sensible to the end, suggested that George remarry. But the king, heartbroken, hovering near her bed in her last agonizing moments, swore he would have only mistresses and never remarry.

“Oh, my God!” the dying queen said in French, with characteristic practicality, “that won’t make any difference!”

-Excerpt from Sex with Kings by Eleanor Herman. Famous last words of Queen Caroline to her gallivanting husband King George II of England.

History and Breaking Bad: Cap’nCook


Saved a tree and ate a beaver instead.

If you’re one of the 10 million or so people in America who watch Breaking Bad, you’re probably familiar with the legendary CapnCook. Famous for being a mid-20’s hypersensitive Chemistry class-flunking addict, Jesse Pinkman made a living as a small-fry Meth manufacturer and dealer until Walter White stepped into the picture coloring his world blue and green and rather chili powderless.

BUT if you’re one of the 25 people who supposedly read this blog, you’re probably aware that we’re about to traverse into the dark and dusty recesses of historical fact. But not really because I hope at least some of you know where we’re going with this.

Who was the REAL Captain Cook?

Tyra told me to do my 'fierce' face.

Tyra told me to do my ‘fierce’ face.

That would be none other than Captain James Cook of the British Royal Navy at your service, your majesty!

Born in 1728 in Yorkshire, Cook moved to a port town when he was 16 going on 17 to apprentice in the merchant navy. Unlike his fellow colleague Jesse Pinkman, real Cook studied various subjects, including algebra, geometry, navigation and any other course that would lead him to excel in his future career path and volunteered service in the Seven Year’s War after his studies were complete.

After a stint in the Royal Navy surveying Newfoundland, which would become the first large-scale and scientifically accurate mapping of the area, James Cook was enlisted on three separate voyages around the Pacific Ocean, climbing in rank and prestige, until he became captain of the HMS Endeavour/Resolution and famous for filling in previously unrecorded areas of the map. He was also the first to circumnavigate New Zealand (That we know of) and the first European contact for some as of then undisturbed peoples. He also became Scurvy’s number one enemy.

I whose ambition leads me not only farther than any other man has been before me, but as far as I think it possible for many to go…

His Third Voyage, and most famous for reasons we will get into,  led him to explore the Islands of Hawaii, becoming again, the first European contact with the natives. He managed to land his ship at the same time that the native Hawaiians were celebrating their harvest festival. There is some academic debate about whether or not Cook and his crew were deified by the natives, but it was clear that Cook got along well with the Hawaiians in a months time. His crew was referred to as ‘Goblins’ but those same sources refer to the leader of these Goblins (being Cook) as being a generous and kind man who was particularly attentive and fatherly towards the children.

After the festivities, Cook and his crew sailed off to continue their voyage around the North Pacific but after breaking his ship’s foremast, Cook came back in desperate need of repairs. Apparently this time, the Hawaiians weren’t all to pleased with the Europeans return and a considerable amount of animosity grew between the bunch. After island thieves stole one of Cook’s small boats, he attempted to hold one of the natives as a hostage until the stolen item was returned, as was common practice on the islands. This time, however, Cook tried to hold the Hawaiian King in exchange which for obvious reasons did not go over so well with his subjects, and in his frustrations and possible fear of the growing riot, Cook shot and killed a man. This of course caused the Hawaiians to whip up into a violent frenzy, chasing the crew back to the beach and attacking him on the surf.

In his last moments, before being clubbed and stabbed to death, it was recorded that;

Cook immediately gained control of himself; his last gesture, as he was struck down into the water on the beach, was to his own men to stop firing.

After the crew escaped, the body of Captain James Cook was prepped and treated in the same practice by Hawaiians as an elder or chief would have been and thanks to a wealth of appeals from the crown, the remains of his body was returned to Britain for a proper burial at sea.

"We want the 99.1% pure Meth!"

“We want the 99.1% pure Meth!”

Hmmm. So maybe there isn’t much in the relation between Jesse’s moniker CapnCook and the real deal, but are you at least sensing some allusions to a certain Breaking Bad character? Ramesses II Walter White, perhaps?

Ze sources;

On the Character of Captain James Cook. J.C. Bealehole. The Geographical Journal. Vol. 122, No. 4 (Dec. 1956).

Captain Cook’s Journal During the First Voyage Around the World. pub. 1893 (Early life insight)